Yes, I know, Lanolin Oil! Lots of it! LOTS. OF. IT! But, when you have a newborn that nurses for 1 entire hour at a time 11 times a day, that friggen oil can only help so much. My advice? Get used to it! Yeah, that’s terrible advice, but you eventually do.

I remember Baby Bird being glued to my breast, and I would just sit and cry while he fed. He was so content, so happy to be there just nourishing his little body, and I was in tears. I’m sure it had something to do with the whole “I-just-birthed-this-thing-and-my-hormones-are-crazy” time period. But I was in tears, a lot.

It hurt. They told me “It does not hurt if you are doing it right”, “Unlatch and relatch”, “Unlatch and switch sides”, “Train him the right way”…. Umm, what? I work hard for that latch, I am NOT redoing it. I’ll just suffer. Baby finishes nursing, immediately apply Lanolin. Less than 1 hour later, baby ready to nurse again, peel my oil-stained bra off my nipple, wipe clean with nipple cloths, do it again. Like, the oil didn’t even have enough time to stay on to help.

So, the day my baby spit up blood was a real f’in doozy. Panic. Sheer panic set in. Is that blood? Is that red? It is brown? It’s a clot! Why did he spit up a clot of blood? Oh my goodness, run away. His throat is split, he has internal bleeding, he isn’t breathing right…. just a few of the insane thoughts that went through my head. So, what did we do? Turned to Google of course — I’ve said this 1,000 times and I’ll say it 1,000 more: Google helped me raise my baby. 100%. Props Google. They really do have the best search engine. It understand insane mom questions on the daily. Anyways, what did Google say? It said that more than likely the blood was MINE, and baby’s belly can’t digest that, so it must come back up. But, were mine actually BLEEDING? Like, really?! Okay, slightest sigh of relief.

I knew they were cracked but I hadn’t seen actually blood! Only way to check? Learn how to operate than damn loud pump. I untangled the cords, revved it up and pumped. I didn’t see a speck of blood. Nothing. Panic sets in again. I stored it in the fridge, as one article told me, it must settle then you will see it. Well, that takes hours! Hours! So, as I am trying to convince my husband to call the doctor, it happens again. More spit up full of blood. Tears. Lots of tears. I nursed, called friends and family; “Has this ever happened to you? To anyone you know? Is Google right? Wrong? Please help me.” Eventually the fat had separated and the milk had settled, sure enough the blood was in the bottom. That meant Baby Bird was fine and it was me! You ever thought you would thank Baby Jesus for bleeding nipples? Welcome to motherhood.